Jam-Bone Makes You Smarter

Jam-Bone's eMail gig announcements often contain valuable information that will enrich your life.  The following is a short collection of Bone-Facts as perceived through the tinted contacts of Jam-Bone's acrobatic drummer.  As with Jam-Bone set lists, they are in no particular order.

BONE-fact, September 25, 2006  6:55:45 AM

Jam-Bone makes you smarter. One particularly interesting polyphenol antioxidant found in red wine is resveratrol, to which numerous beneficial effects have been attributed. Red wine also contains a significant amount of flavonoids, Jam-Bone boogie feet, and red anthocyanin pigments that act as relationship starters (or enders).   Most of these substances are also found in truth serum, for which wine can be used as a substitute.   With excessive consumption, however, any health benefits may be offset by the increased rate of spending, sometimes leading to loss of credit (or credibility).  

BONE-fact, Thursday, July 05, 2007  5:28 PM

Jam-Bone makes you smarter.    Intentionally darkening one's skin did not become a socially desirable phenomenon until the mid-20th century. Now everyone's doing it, but is it safe? To avoid sunburn or excess tanning, covering up skin, wearing old baseball hats and staying out of direct sunlight in places that serve adult beverages and lots of food is the primary defense. The only effective secondary defense is to wave the arms and legs rhythmically as when dancing to Jam-Bone music. Fortunately, there are products that help with this. But which products work best? Now there's a way to tell. The SPF (Silly Person Factor), expressed as a percentage, is printed on alcoholic beverage containers to show its rated effectiveness. Products with a higher SPF number are those designed to provide more silliness more quickly. Jam-Bone does not currently endorse any of these products, but would like to as soon as possible.  

BONE-fact, Sunday, September 16, 2007  11:55 AM

Jam-Bone makes you smarter. In Eastern North Carolina, pulled pork barbecue is traditionally made from a whole hog. What does it mean to go "whole hog?" When Jam-Bone plays 31 continuous minutes of Grateful Dead music, is that considered going whole hog? How about when John stands up on top of his drums and whacks the hell out of his cymbals, is he going whole hog? Or hog wild? In 1996, a professional wrestling pay-per-view from World Championship Wrestling held in Sturgis, South Dakota was called Hog Wild, but WCW changed the name to Road Wild because of a potential trademark issue with a Harley-Davidson owners group. Wise choice. Trademark issues can get sticky. Like that thin, piquant vinegar-based barbecue sauce that the Ol'West BBQ joint is going to be dishing up next Friday night when Jam-Bone plays there. Sounds right nice.

BONE-fact, Monday, June 18, 2007  8:01 AM

Jam-Bone makes you smarter.    A raw bar is a small restaurant within a restaurant where live raw shellfish are shucked and served. That's SHucked with an SH. Stay focused. Back to the story.   These restaurants are popular in coastal resort areas such as Clinton, New Jersey.

Raw bars serve a selection of oysters and quahogs.   A quahog is not a type of motorcyle.   It's a bivalve mollusc with pushrod-operated overhead valves that have hydraulic self-adjusting lifters and an internally mounted, crank driven gerotor pressure dual scavenge pump with spin on 10µ pressurized filter tuned for Atlantic coastal seawater. Obviously there are two valves per mollusc, that's why it's called a bivalve mollusc.   Add cocktail sauce and swirling sounds of Clam-Bone, and you have a perfect Sunday afternoon.

BONE-fact, Friday, November 17, 2006  8:32:36 PM

Jam-Bone makes you smarter. OK, everyone knows that the first Thanksgiving was this huge (by their standards) feast that took place sometime in the autumn of 1621 by a bunch of separatists (tree-hugging, whale-kissing, Berkenstock-wearing hippies in tall black hats) from the Church of England, who were actually heading for Virginia but screwed up and landed in Plymouth, Massachusetts (which is why you still can't buy beer on Sunday there).

And you probably also know that if it weren't for the Wampanoag "indians," the freaks in the black hats would have starved to death.   Turns out the Wampanoag (pronounced "local hippies") were way into a scene that fostered a harmonious relationship between the people and their natural environment, both physical and spiritual. Who can't dig that!

So the separatist freaks and the New Age freaks had dinner together.   Then it hit.   That feeling you get after a big turkey dinner. Tryptophan...a precursor for serotonin (a neurotransmitter) and melatonin (a neurohormone). It's blissful, man.   And it's all natural.   Like a great Jam-Bone gig when Steve is hitting on all seven strings and John is deep in the groove with Rich flying lead above it all.   It's lke Tryppie. Or Tryppin. Trypto-facto. Let's Tryp.   Thanks for giving at the door.

BONE-fact, Thursday, April 05, 2007 5:17 PM

Jam-Bone makes you smarter. A blender is a kitchen appliance used to mix ingredients or puree food. A similar appliance is used to mix or puree music performed by Jam-Bone. It's a 7-string bass guitar, which is to be distinguished from a hand-powered or electric mixer that may be used for similar purposes. Blenders are also used in laboratory applications.
The Jam-Bone Blender is not made of glass, plastic, or stainless steel. It's some kind of wood that looks shiney. Like its kitchen counterpart, it has graduated markings along the neck for measuring or navigational purposes. At the bottom of the container is a wire that allows ingredients to escape during operation. The ingredients are then captured by an amplifier and dispersed throughout the room, and all other public and nonpublic areas. As with other types of blenders, the body has an array of knobs and switches. The Jam-Bone blender uses strings instead of blades, and they are removable for cleaning purposes.
As with most modern blenders, the Jam-Bone version offers a number of possible speeds. In certain situations, some liquid may need to be added for the Jam-Bone blender to operate correctly. The optimum liquid for this purpose is beer (Corona or Heineken). This is because the liquid is used to move the fingers around the strings causing a "whirlpool" effect. The result is a unique and pleasing sound that can only be heard on a Jam-Bone recording or a live performance (such as the one scheduled for the afternoon of April 22, 2007).

BONE-fact, Wednesday, February 28, 2007  6:23:07 AM

Jam-Bone makes you smarter.   iTunes is a digital media player application that was introduced by Apple on January 10, 2001.    Jam-Bone's current line-up was contemplated on March 15, 2004.   So we've been picking and pounding for about 3 years now.   Jam-Bone is the brainchild of Steve Kirchuk and Rich Plumpton.   iTUNES is the brainchild of Jeff Robbin and Bill Kincaid, whoever the hell thay are. In any case, they sold their SoundJam MP3 player concoction to Apple in 2000. The implication here is that their brainchild actually made money.   Of course, now it makes a ba-zillion dollars for Apple because bands like Jam-Bone want to have their music distributed worldwide without having to invest any money in distribution.

Apple now allows users to subscribe to Podcasts in the iTunes Music Store by clicking on the link in the middle of Jam-Bone's home page. Once subscribed, the Podcast will be downloaded automatically. You can choose to update Podcasts weekly, daily, hourly, or manually.   Jam-Bone does not presently have plans to update its Podcast hourly.   It's hard enough to change the channel on the damn TV once in a while. Anybody seen my remote?

BONE-fact, Wednesday, December 27, 2006  4:56 PM

Jam-Bone makes you smarter. Frequent and regular physical exercise is an important component in the prevention of couch potato-ism. Exercises are generally grouped into three types depending on the overall effect they have on the human body: 1) Flexibility exercises such as lifting 12 oz glasses of beer from the bartop to your lips (increasing 16 oz without straining is the goal here); 2) Aerobic exercises such as walking and running between the dancefloor, bar and restroom after doing exercise Type-1 as described above; 3) Anaerobic exercises such as rapid random movements of the arms and legs in time to songs performed by Jam-Bone (increases chemicals in the brain that help cognition). Proper nutrition is at least as important to health as exercise. The Pattenburg serves excellent wings and nachos, both brimming with macronutrients whilst providing ample micronutrients. This is to aid the body with the recovery process following strenuous exercise (see Types 1-3 above).

BONE-fact, Sunday, June 03, 2007  1:01 PM

Jam-Bone makes you smarter.    Elvis Presley was often described as a night owl.   Preference for a darker, night time world is called nyctophilia or scotophilia.   Do you have that?   Here's a simple test.   Do you like going to bars and listening to live music on Friday or Saturday nights?   Do you consider getting up the next morning comppletely optional?   Is there a particular song by Jam-Bone that you heard on their website, iTUNES, at a gig, or in a friend's car that you just can't get out of your head?   If you answered "maybe sometimes" to any one of these questions, you might be a Nyctophiliac. Should you search the internet for possible treatments?   No.   We did that for you.   The most prominent medical advice website clearly indicates that Nyctophiliacs should test drive a Suzuki.   Or go see Jam-Bone this Saturday night.   Night-BONE.   It's for you this time.

BONE-fact, Thursday, March 22, 2007  7:47 AM

Jam-Bone makes you smarter. It was the year 1655. March 25th, a day like any other day before there was a seemingly unlimited supply of live recordings of the Grateful Dead.   Except on this day, the Protestants took control of Maryland at the Battle of the Severn. Who knew?   A compelling story for a different day.   Today, it's about Sunday.   A day of rest.   Or is it The Rest.   The rest of what?   Here's where it becomes unclear.   What actually are you supposed to do on a Sunday afternoon.   The morning portion of the day is easy enough.   Everyone has something they do on Sunday mornings.   But the afternoon.   THAT is an unpainted canvas.   Unless.   Unless you come to the realization that Jam-Bone has been sending you these emails for years and too many times you were committed to other things.   But now here, within your grasp, is a sliver of time that is unaccounted for.   A moment of time when you can throw your head back and twirl.   A time...The time...for Jam-Bone.  

BONE-facts.  There's more were those came from.  We're just scratching the surface.